My daughter has been through hell and tried to cope, but at 16 refused to go to visitation. I love it! I second that Amen. I pray he will find some clarity and work on being a dad the kids can believe in and enjoy. Why aren’t the children’s voices listened to?! Custody orders have the force of law, and they are binding on the PARENTS; if the court’s orders are not followed as written, it is the PARENTS who are in contempt. Children are NOT pawns in a divorce, they did not choose the separation or the resulting chaos that always ensues. QLD 14 year old son doesn't want to see dad. good luck to us all !!! From the age of 11 and 12 on , I can honestly count on both hands how many times my son has actually stayed at his dads … and he is about to 18 this fall ….. Though this maybe wrong, but I believe at 14yrs the courts would be considering his views on contact and custody at any rate. Not sure what will happen. They have never been close. (ADHD, or not) I actually have two answers - one for you and one for him. My first impulse is to encourage the girls to see their mother (suggested hotel room options, etc.). The court looks at 16 factors in determining custody, and one of them happens to be the preference of … I still believe that’s beyond what the courts would want… to damage the kids further by threatening and trying to physically force them at this age. I wonder it you could negotiate a change in the visits with the father, since, from your description, he doesn't seem particularly interested in your child. Recently, their mother moved into a travel trailer in a casino parking lot, and our daughters (minus the 11 yr old) refuse to visit her. Our 18-year-old has no memory of any positive interactions with him. ©2019 Divorced Moms. Older children and teenagers may want to have a say in when and how they see their other parent. We would love to be able to kiss our kids goodbye for a visit knowing that our kids are happy and safe. When Your Child Doesn't Want to Visit You. I did what i could at first and “helped ” the ex the best I could , but as in every scenario, they end up burning their bridges on their own with their children . I separated from her father 18 months ago. Now, three years later, the third child is refusing many visits. Children under the age of 18 are to go to all scheduled visitations with their father. And to the comment of kids trying to please the parent. Please, please listen to your kids. I would encourage her to keep in touch with him and maybe suggest alternatives to staying the whole weekend. The divorce decree is clear. ... Thursday, 14 November 2019 10 Tips on Preparing For Trial For Your Ohio Divorce Case. There may be lots of reasons why you don’t want your children to stay with their other parent. Until then they’d never offered to be punished instead of doing what was asked of them. Recently my ex told me that until the kids are 16, they have no say in whether they visit him or not. I do agree, Fathers are important in a child’s life, but they can be just as detremental if he is a toxic individual. Before you and he both end up in a more conflicted situation, get yourself an attorney. She wanted me to know of all the sneaky things she’d seen him do. Older children may become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, 'I don’t want to go'. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility Statement, Why Women Initiate Divorce More Often Than Men, The Virtues of Vulnerability During Divorce, https://divorcedmoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/i_will_no_longer_force_my_children_to_visit_their_dad.mp3. My ex’s attorney angrily demanded that I make them go in the same way I made them do anything else they refused to do. Good luck!!!! Once the divorce started and the older kids found out they were expected to stay with him for days at a time, they panicked. I am glad I came across this site and read so many other parents facing the same exact situation I am going through with my two kids. He also told him he shouldn't be a baby sitter for his sisters. I know many family law judges personally and the firs thing they’d want to know is why a man chose to go to court instead of sitting down and working the issue out with his son. Speak positively about the other parent with your child to remove any guilt or loyalty issues your child may have. He would complain of headaches and stomachaches and would try to retreat in his room for long periods of time, not wanting to talk or play. At every family meal, he called her a pig, admonished her and her siblings then moved on to whatever topic disgusted him the most at the moment. An older child, particularly teenagers, present a whole different set of considerations. Recently, the kids have told me some of the things he calls them and says to them and it … During the divorce, our second child started refusing visits with his father also. A child under five may appear clingy, cry, scream or pretend to be ill. I have a 3 bedroom home with everything they need (and most everything they want). I have a similar situation. But my son gets stressed out … Thank God their mother didn’t force them to put up with my crap! My 14 year old daughter does not want to visit her father anymore and has told him so. She enjoys music (especially live music), dancing, reading, travel, decorating, shopping, long walks, boating and trying new things. Your children have a right to see both their parents too. He does treat our oldest worse than the younger one – he tells her constantly “you look just like your ___ mother” or “you’re just like your ___ mother” and then will turn around and tell the youngest “i’m glad you look more like me”. He is a police office and has relatives in the court house, and that is the only reason I can see that he would have won – which is so ethically wrong. I am experiencing this now with my 12 year old. It has gotten progressively worse but I have ALWAYS made them go. Note, however, a child’s choice between the ages of 11-14 of which parent they want to live with is not controlling. I had told him this and she had even wrote a letter to him but still he was trying to force her. During the school year, he is supposed to go over to her house every other weekend and only one weekend for the entire nine months did she actually spend her whole weekend with him – most of her weekends she just utilized parts of the weekend. A judge won’t be swayed by one parent’s argument that a toddler refused visitation. It is also our job to listen and guide our children through these situation and NONE of it is easy or done with malice or jealousy. It is awful. The 42-year-old leader has the resident doctor of the Elysee Palace presidential residence by his bedside after becoming infected and being hit by a fever. So, now the oldest doesn’t want to go at all – at a loss of what to do and feel so helpless to help her. She’s had spells where she just doesn’t want to visit him. Whilst legally you cannot stop him from seeing his dad (unless real reason), if he doesn't want to see him, then, I think I would just make your lawyer aware that this is his decision, just to cover your back. The rest of the evening I tried to change her mind. Last time they were “forced to go” they ripped up their plane tickets and handed them back to the airline.. (at the airport- that was a fun scene) Both of my kids have resentment and hatred for this man. From the texts I received over the weekend, her anger never faded. NO CHILD!! These are THEIR feelings, and to try to ‘nip them’ and make them visit their dad will only hinder them. 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